Pitter Pat
by dreamgoddess'92
Summary: After a slight breakdown Emily finds herself in the middle of a storm contemplating her mixed feelings for a certain unit chief. Songfic.


Hola mis amigos.

This idea just came to me today so I sat down and let it take me where it wanted to.

I'm debating about other couples in CM that I want to attempt to work with.

Honestly, I'm a little scared. *laugh*

I don't own Criminal Minds (kills me to say this) nor "Pitter Pat" by Erin McCarley.

Hope you all enjoy&review.

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_Tugged the moon into the ground_

_Turned this bedroom upside down tonight_

_Took my faith and i breathed it out_

_Then walked right through a cloud of flashing lights,_

_bright lies._

What was a thriving city during the daylight became a hibernating cave where all life seemed safe and asleep indoors. The moon played hide-and-seek with the rolling clouds that flashed with the unheard electricity in the air. A storm was coming soon, forcing all those finding themselves on the deserted streets to find shelter. All except for a lone figure walking down a dark sidewalk where every few minutes, car lights could be seen coming down that street, illuminating the figure. She was not concerned about the approaching storm. It resembled her feelings so well now-in-days she barely noticed how the wind picked up and the thunder crashed not far away.

Emily Prentiss was far from home.

Truthfully it hadn't been her best idea ever; storming out of his house when a storm was descending upon the city. Though Emily hadn't been in her right mind at the time. She should go back; it would take her quite a long time to get home. Even more so once it started raining. But Emily was too angry to entertain said idea and stubbornly forged on, disregarding her vibrating cell phone. He could call her all night for all she cared. She wasn't going to give into him anymore. She was done being his dirty little secret.

It started with a case.

'Funny,' Emily thought, 'everything starts with a case.' It came as no surprise that Hotch hadn't exactly been himself of late. Emily could accept that. She understood that he was going through something very difficult. She could also see why he wanted their relationship-if you could call just sex a relationship-a secret from the others. Whenever it got too hard to bear on their own they went home together and 'worked' it out. Emily would never admit it, but she sort of looked forward to those rough nights. She felt connected to him when she had so desperately wanted to know him for so long.

_Pain takes my heart's place_

_The love we made, we can't erase it._

_Don't wanna face it_

She should've known it was just a coping mechanism to him. Nothing more than a release of pent up angst and anger. Aaron Hotchner was quite the passionate lover. That hadn't surprised Emily. What surprised her was her willingness to throw away her carefully created and haphazardly formed morals that seemed to pop up out of nowhere. Emily had dated men for just sex before, but after a bad breakup years pervious she had decided that wasn't the way to go. When it came to Hotch, she had wanted it to be more than just physical. She wanted the messy, sporadic, emotional, baggage that came with being with a man. A real relationship.

She had been so foolish.

Was it his fault? Emily shook her head as she pondered that question. 'No,' she thought determined to stick to that revolution. She had caved, she didn't say 'no,' she let him in that night. If anyone was to blame it was her for being so weak. For wanting him like a drug addict craving a new high. He had become some sort of kryptonite to her. She couldn't say no to him. Except tonight. Emily couldn't take the cold detachment that followed their activities; she couldn't take knowing that was how it was always going to be. She could not touch his frozen heart.

_Pitter pat, the angel on my shoulder_

_Is haunting me tonight_

_Tick tock, the clock is getting louder_

_Ready for me to decide_

Lightning flashed, thunder shook the air and suddenly the rain began to fall. Emily was drenched in seconds, but she didn't care. It numbed her more. It seemed she was always walking during a downpour of some sort. Snow, rain…she was making a habit of these late night walks during emotional turning points in her life. She thought losing Matthew had been the worst heartache she'd ever suffer: Oh how she had been wrong. Loving Aaron Hotchner was beginning to look like the hardest thing she'd ever do.

She remembered facing him after their first night. He was fairly amazing at acting like nothing conspired between them. Emily was better. Though her insides were squirming and her body was remembering Emily acted more dedicated and professional than she had in ages. In the beginning Emily saw it for what it was. Sex. Connection. Primal need. It had been simple when they only went home together every other week. Once they started going home more and more often though, Emily let herself get swept up by her heart instead of allowing her rational mind to ground her.

It got harder for her not to rush to him if he got injured. It became increasingly harder not to glance his way and let her eyes rest on him during a case. She had trouble convincing the others that she was okay. Reid especially seemed tuned into her emotional station.

His phone calls had finally stopped and Emily let out a sigh of relief. He must think she's lost her mind. She certainly gave him a piece of hers a while ago. It was his fault though. He seemed more attentive to her tonight. Emily had been confused. He was making it even harder for her to leave him. His kisses tasted sweeter: His touch gentler. He surely knew what their liaisons were doing to her. She couldn't sleep without him passed out next to her. Her nightmares were in full force on the nights she didn't have him.

_I've lost my sense of right and wrong_

_Well-justified my soul to carry on_

_It feels so damn good to write off the rules_

_But when a new day breaks, I'm left a fool._

_I'm such a fool_

'Dammit.' Emily thought as her blurry eyes contributed to the clouds outburst. The weather seemed to mimic her internal debate. She wanted to go back into his warm arms and love him once more. She wanted to get lost in those dark eyes that seemed to go on forever. His touch was better than any drug: better than any drink. She feared him so. She wanted it to end at the same time. She wasn't some wind-up toy there for him when he wanted. What about her? What about how she felt? Couldn't he see how what they were doing was ruining her? He was a profiler for Christ's sake!

Emily looked for a street sign and moaned. She was still far from home. The rain had dwindled to a light shower and the thunder had subsided. The moon's light had disappeared for good this time and all that lit the streets were the strategically placed streetlamps that made the dark spaces between them look darker. Emily didn't even have her gun on her. She had taken it off and thrown in during her fit of anger at Hotch.

'Really not my smartest idea ever.' Emily thought glumly as she eyed the dark patches wearily. This was no place to be wandering during the day time, let alone night time. Especially unarmed.

Though it seemed whenever Hotch was involved lately Emily wasn't known for her rational thoughts. She had even managed to get pretty injured to stop him from getting shot during a case a few weeks back. Emily sympathized with Reid even more having experienced what it was like to get shot. Though it really grazed her, she still had to get some pretty intense stitches. Her arm hurt like hell. Reid had told her not to think about it too much so she tired to focus on other things. Like Hotch.

_Pain takes my heart's place_

_But your sweet, sweet love,_

_Oh I can taste it but still can't face it_

Granted, that didn't really help.

It seemed like no matter what Emily did, everything managed to come back to Hotch. She didn't know if she was pissed about that or happy. She failed to see the silver lining to the dark cloud that hung over her heart whenever he would brush her aside. Her moral compass sure went to hell in a hand basket when he touched her the way he did. If she could make anything illegal it would be him. She'd go to jail dying for another hit, but know she was safe from his indifference and emotionless stare at those endless files on his desk. If it wasn't his ability to make her feel like a fool it was his obsession over Foyet that drove Emily to the brink on insanity.

She really needed a new hobby. 'Or a vacation.' Emily thought as the rain let up a little more. Her feet were sore, her clothes sticking to her shivering body, and her nerves a wreck. She knew her makeup looked awful and her hair…Emily didn't want to think about that. She had never really cared about her looks until she felt she had a reason to. She debated longer on her clothing choice and how to wear her makeup. It seemed her heart wasn't the only thing to suffer because of him. Her habits and way of life seemed to accommodate him more and more.

Emily was so wrapped up in her thoughts she didn't notice that a car was slowing down behind her. It pulled to the curb and stopped as she did. Emily didn't need to ask who it was or tell them to keep going. She knew he wouldn't leave her there. She sighed and pulled the car door open, careful not to meet his eyes as the interior light went on. She could see his hand curled into a fist and mentally began counting down until his meltdown as a shutting door and the click of her seatbelt echoed in the car. The neon clock read somewhere near twelve thirty and Emily almost laughed. It hadn't seemed like that long of a walk to her.

_Pitter pat, the angel on my shoulder_

_Is haunting me tonight_

_Tick tock the clock is getting louder_

_Waiting for me to decide_

Emily was fearfully anticipating Hotch's blow up, but it never came. The ride was silent but Emily's sharp intake of breath, as Hotch unclenched his fist and took her hand in his, reverberated throughout the warm car. Slowly Emily felt her body relax into the seat and she felt her body unconsciously grasp his hand. This was what she had desired. It was an innocent touch conveying so much and yet nothing at the same time. She tried to quiet her conflicted emotions and simply enjoyed the warmth of his hand. She didn't know what it meant but Emily realized she could no more walk away from Hotch than he could walk away from his job.

Emily closed her eyes and when the car stopped she found that they were at her place. He hadn't taken her back to his. Something about his actions warmed her heart a little. He got out of the car and that warmth waned. Was the yelling going to come soon? Hotch opened her door and Emily reluctantly got out. They were going to talk and she was dreading it. How do you tell your boss-who you've been secretly sleeping with for months-that you've fallen in love with him when you know he's not that kind of guy and the only reason he's sleeping with you is to ward off his own demons?

Emily barely managed to suppress her shock as Hotch took her hand once more and lead her to her door. He turned to look at her. 'You're choice,' he silently said.

Emily realized that he was giving her the power here. She could invite him in and they could talk about this. Talk about what they were. This was very dangerous territory for Emily. She wanted this so badly. She had wanted it for what felt like forever. She knew she'd never love anyone with such desperation and adoration as she did Hotch.

But he had wounded her.

_The sun is coming down on me_

_Could fate be so unkind?_

Emily would be lying if she said she didn't want to let him into her apartment and never leave it. He made her that irrational. He had seen the best and the worst of her and here he was. Silently begging, silently willing her to hear him out. Emily finally looked up and met his eyes. He captivated her. Possessing her whole body and soul with a furry only captured in those romance novels Garcia was always putting on her desk.

Emily's breath hitched in her throat as Hotch's eyes darkened. 'To hell with rationality. Who ever said love was rational?' Emily thought and let his lips claim hers. She had her answer, and he his. Emily unlocked her door and gently pulled him in with her. They would talk about it tomorrow.

_Pain takes my heart's place_

_The love we made remains_

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_Ah, I simply adore writing Hotch/Prentiss fics. _

Oh, before I forget I just wanted to say '_thank you_'to everyone who has reviewed my stories giving me support and constructive advise.

I do love writing, don't get me wrong, but the main reason I write is for you!

(My friends, my family and everyone else who is willing to read my material.)

So I hope you all continue to support me and help give me ideas for more stories.

I'd love to hear more of what you all have to say.

=)


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